Savtribai and Jyotiba Phule - An ideal love story

Like many girls with a South Asian upbringing, I’ve dreamed my fair share of fantasies about a jubilant wedding ceremony and an ideal romantic partner. It would come as no surprise that these dreams were largely shaped by what I saw in movies and pop-culture, growing up. But there came a time in my early 20’s when I no longer pined for a lavish ceremony to wed a handsome savior that stole my heart (Lol! Thanks for entering my life, feminism). It has taken me forever to acknowledge and confront the misleading and often toxic messages that were fed to me regarding marriage and romantic love. Growing up in an orthodox Brahmin household meant that my pedestrian understanding of a “successful” marriage was rooted in fulfilling some extremely casteist and gendered expectations (I could elaborate more on this, but that’s for another time).

When I decided to formally commit to (hopefully) spending eternity with Sid, I started looking around for stories and inspirations that could help me model an unconditional and loyal companionship. You see, there haven’t been many great examples of daring love stories or culture-defying marriages in my family circle. It was then that I came across some lovely letters written by Savitribai Phule to her husband Jyotiba Phule waayyy back in the 19th century. These letters, originally written in Marathi, were published in MG Mali’s edition of her collected works, Savitribai Phule Samagra Wangmaya and later translated to English by Rev. Sunil Sardar. Here’s my favorite correspondence by Savitribai to Jyotiba:

This is by far the best love letter ever! No cheesy “I love you, I miss you”, or signs of apprehension that Savitribai might need Jyotiba’s approval to make strong-minded decisions. I can’t stop marveling at how quickly she cuts to the chase and tells him that she is sending a distressed, socially ostracized couple to him. It might be unsaid, but I see a deep foundation of compassionate solidarity and unquestioning loyalty that underpins the tone of this letter.

I see a supportive partner in Sid - he is as eager as me in trying to understand the causes and implications of social evils and wanting to make this world a better place. As we dream of an exciting future together, this letter from the past has helped me draw courage that it is always a great idea to decry social evils and actively work towards building more inclusive and loving communities. Sid and I will continue to look to the past at icons like the Phules, Ambedkar, Periyar, Kuvempu and innumerable others who dared to dream of a society that is rid of caste, misogyny, superstitions, communalism and homophobia.